Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's shark week go big or go home
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
