i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize