i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
