Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
