Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
