Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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