we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
