i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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