Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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