walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
