Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
