i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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