Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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