the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
