Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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