I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
