So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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