did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
