I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
