Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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