I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
