my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
