My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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