no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
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A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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