how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
