i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
