***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
