see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
