Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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