I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
