I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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