we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
