Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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