well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
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