Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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