worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't deserve a penis
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
