Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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