dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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