Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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