My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
