you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
