Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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