Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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