Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
