whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
