I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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