he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
my liver is dry heaving
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
