Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
