marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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