I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
