the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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