That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
