she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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