I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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