3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
