We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
