sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
