im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
