I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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