Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
