Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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