hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
farters have to be the big spoon...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
