his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
